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A few people have claimed recently that they want completely objective and unbiased reviews lacking personal opinion. I have been criticized for using my own feelings and thoughts when writing a review, which I am informed is actually a bad way to review videogames. My last Jimquisition video tackled this subject but the critics didn’t understand it. 

With that in mind, I have decided to actually put their “objective reviews can be written” theory to the test and am now re-reviewing a game in a manner that completely negates objective thought. I decided to use Final Fantasy XIII, one of Destructoid’s most controversial reviews, as the guinea pig, so please enjoy this brand new review — untainted by opinion, uncolored by emotion, and unclouded by my own personal thoughts.

Does it make for a better, more insightful, ultimately more useful review? I can’t say … I don’t have an opinion on the matter!

Final Fantasy XIII (Xbox 360, PS3 [Reviewed]) 
Developer: Square Enix
Publisher: Square Enix
Released: March 9, 2010
MSRP: $59.99

\Final Fantasy XIII is a videogame released on the PS3 and Xbox 360. It was developed by Square Enix. It stars characters. One of the characters is called Lightning and that is the main character of the game that can be played with a controller. The game’s story is about Lightning and a collection of other characters who must fight some other characters called Fal’Sie and save a planet called Cocoon. The story has a beginning and an ending and a middle bit.

Final Fantasy XIII belongs to the role-playing-game genre of videogames, more specifically a genre that some people dub “JRPG” with “J” standing for Japanese. Final Fantasy XIII was developed in Japan which would make this genre designation accurate. The game has things in it that other JRPGs have, such as leveling up and weapons and shops.

The battle system is a battle system. In this battle system players select commands for one character while other characters are controlled by the game’s AI. Players can manually designate commands or let the AI decide which course of action is best. There is a system called the Paradigm shift which is new to Final Fantasy XIII and it allowed players to pre-program how characters behave and the player can swap these behavior patterns whenever they want during a battle to deal with different circumstances. Many people enjoy the Paradigm system, but other people do not like it so much.

New to the series is the ability to restart a battle if it does not go well which you may or may not find useful depending on your personal preference. You might also find weapon leveling useful but that’s only if you find weapon leveling useful, so whether or not you find weapon leveling useful is down to how useful you ultimately find weapon leveling. 

You can save the game if you want sometimes. 

The videogame has graphics and sound. The graphics are seen with your eyes and the sound is heard by your ears. When you start the game the graphics and the sound will occur almost at the same time, letting you know that the game has started. There is also text which players can read. 

If you buy Final Fantasy XIII and like it, then you like Final Fantasy XIII. If you buy Final Fantasy XIII and don’t like it, then you don’t like Final Fantasy XIII. It has things in it that some people might enjoy but other people who have different ideas of what is enjoyable may not actually enjoy it. 

In conclusion, Final Fantasy XIII is a videogame. 

Score: N/A (Since a reviewer would use his judgment to give a game a score, a score cannot be given at this time)

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Castlevania: Harmony of Despair comes out in a scant two weeks! I can not think of the last time I was so excited to play a Castlevania game. I fully expect to see all of you online and available to play it with me when it comes out on July 28th.

In the meantime, some new screenshots have surfaced. These are focused on the characters Soma Cruz (Dawn of Sorrow, Aria of Sorrow) and Charlotte Aulin (Portrait of Ruin). One of these characters is a whiny bitch, and the other one is a Belnades.

Can’t wait. Cannot. Must play this.

Castlevania: Harmony of Despair Screenshots [andriasang]

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He who laughs last, laughs best. That’s what I always told myself whenever the Japanese would get a game months or years before I would get the opportunity to play it. I would hope, often against fate, that the version I got would have a special edition full of nifty stuff the Japanese didn’t get and then I could feel better about the wait.

Now the shoe is on the other foot. The difference is that Japan is getting a special edition that I’d actually want. Behold the No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle Hopper’s Edition. It comes packaged with the game, a DVD featuring an all-new film and some other goodies, a soundtrack CD and an art book. Then, just to rub it in, people who pre-order in anticipation of the October 21st release will also get an “erotica comic.”

The whole package will be sold for 8,980 yen or just over a hundred US dollars. If I hadn’t already purchased the game once, I’d probably give some thought to importing this. But, honestly, I’m mostly just curious to see where they take that comic. 

Marvelous Makes Beefy No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle Limited Edition [siliconera]

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Are you a fan of Blacklight: Tango Down? It’s possible you haven’t even had the opportunity to make a judgement call one way or the other: the multiplatform downloadable shooter was released on XBLA last week, and only just came to Games For Windows Live today. It still hasn’t come to Steam or the PlayStation Network, but it should launch on those platforms in the coming weeks. 
 
So, there’s a good chance you haven’t played the game yet. But even if you haven’t, someone out there totally has, and it sounds like there were enough of those fans out there to keep Zombie Studios working on Blacklight. The team revealed to Big Download that the team was already starting development on the sequel to Blacklight: Tango Down.   

 See this screenshot from the first game? Imagine if there was a giant robot behind these dudes. That’s what the sequel looks like.

 
And Blacklight: Tango Down 2 will be the only way you’ll get any additional Blacklight content. Zombie Studios CEO Mark Long told Big Download that there were no plans to add additional DLC to Blacklight (other than patches to fix bugs). All available resources are being directed toward a more ambitious sequel, which will add larger maps and drivable robot vehicles to the action. 
 
Blacklight: Tango Down 2 is aiming for a Summer 2011 release window, and while no platforms have been announced, it’s a good bet that Blacklight 2 will be released on the same platforms as its recently released predecessor. We’ll see how the sequel turns out next year, which will hopefully give you time to actually play the first game and figure out if you want a sequel.

View full post on GiantBomb’s Site Mashup

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Here’s some gameplay footage of Metroid: Other M. It seems focused on shooting gameplay, which appears to work well enough.

Games which present gun combat in this way should remind me of things like Smash T.V. but you know what I almost invariably see? One for the PlayStation. As a result, I’m always a little bit wary. But this looks good and appeals to my interests more than the Prime trilogy, so I’m keeping those fingers crossed.

Also, did you see the wall jumping bit in the middle? I want to see more of the acrobatic stuff because I suspect that’s what this title is going to live or die on.

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